Instead of trails, it’s trials…..except we are nowhere near this good.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z19zFlPah-o

www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5pPEqmYkKE

Even though this has to be fake, I also don’t have the video editing skills to make this happen either, though there is a better chance I could learn those than actual tape measure mastery.

Of course, I was asking the wrong questions. Naturally there are people that will drink this, I’m sure AB’s crack market research team knows exactly who they are targeting with this 2.4% ABV brew.

No the real question is: Could anyone actually get drunk off of a twelve pack? Luckily there was one man who was willing to put BS 55 to the task….

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tavjcpccXOU

www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AAa0gd7ClM

It is, in my opinion, one of the better reenactments of the most awesome drum solo in history.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZP4Ugev82I

It wasn’t always that way. As a child my family took a pretty healthy number of vacations, many of which were to destinations only reached by air travel (from the states at least). Needless to say, I wasn’t boozing it up on those flights.

However, upon entering the (legal) age of alcoholic debauchery, I reveled in the chance to have a beer (and possibly a shot) before getting on a plane. It’s stuck with me ever since (including drinking an obligatory beer before boarding a 7 am flight out to Denver for the Great American Beer Festival).

All that said, I also know that upon arrival at my destination I need to be coherent and functioning. Especially if I’m flying back home, where more than likely I will get in my car and drive to my house. In those circumstances I’m always sure to be careful how much I have to drink before boarding the flight.

Apparently someone didn’t get the memo that being plastered really early in the morning while leaving the airport is a bad idea--one that may end up costing you a DUI and some toll booth repair.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWk4MCQaHrc

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PixKiam2NLI

www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkjyZHZhokM

www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTCm8tdHkfI

www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4oCrCwEIEA

Being sure to follow the traditions of those who trashed the halls before us, we codified our status as roommates (which only ended up lasting about three weeks, but that’s another story) by going to the local Wal-Mart together and purchasing, among other things, a few fish.

Now, we’re dealing with a store where you can buy clothes, televisions, and paintball guns, all while you get your oil changed….so to say they are experts in fish would laughable at best. But I think the first clue that sea life from a big box is less than marginal would be the fact that it literally has a shelf life! We stood in front of a wall of tanks looking at varieties of fish and ruling out options based on the number of dead floaters in the tank.

Still, we picked out what we hoped were the best available stock and went on our way.

The bus ride to and from Wal-Mart with a bag of fish became a frequent one, because as the white board says, “We had 2, then 1, then 4, then 3…” and it continued that way for a few weeks until we finally gave up.

Looking back on the situation, it’s probably best those fish died so soon. Since things didn’t really work out with my first roommate it could have gotten ugly over those guys. I hear fish custody battles between ex roommates can be quite costly.

Regardless, it’s Monday, and if you’re pissed off at something at least it’s not the fact you have shitty Wal-Mart fish for pets, and they’re not constantly dying on you. Unless you do have Wal-Mart fish that keep dying on you, in which case I hope you learned your lesson.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRmTgJutGbU

Plenty of updates will be coming, rest assured.

-Call people fat

-Videotape my rants

-Suffer from minor heart attacks because I’m losing it over some commenters idiotic (but 100% true) shit-talking about me and my videos.

-Sit on my ass and let myself balloon up a few (hundred) pounds. Believe me, it could happen, I’m just doing everything I can to prevent it. You know, like getting up to get my own aspirin.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVsv5wQqcj4

This year saw the return of the winter Olympics to North America, and even though things got off to a rocky start, bobsledding was--as evidenced by the video below--able to provide us with a little humor in the end (pun completely intended).

If anything were to give me a case of the Monday’s, splitting my spandex on internationally broadcast television would certainly do the trick.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYIxwM7GVik

A few months ago I was putting a belt back, reaching around the door with my right arm like I always had. When I pulled away I slammed my funny bone into the corner of the door. And I don’t mean slammed like ow that hurt and it’s  annoying for a few minutes, I mean slammed like it shot writhing pain through my forearm into my pinky and a vertical half of my ring finger–followed by numbness. I’ve never really felt the truly numb sensation like this before. Sure we’ve all had an arm or leg fall asleep, and I’ve had my fair share of dental surgeries, but to have a very specific part of your body instantly go numb in pain was new to me.

Through some shoddy online research I learned that the Ulnar Nerve–which provides feeling to the pinky and adjacent half of the ring finger–can easily be damaged by hitting the not-so-humorous humerus.

One method of injuring the nerve is to strike the medial epicondyle of the humerus from posteriorly, or inferiorly with the elbow flexed. The ulnar nerve is trapped between the bone and the overlying skin at this point. This is commonly referred to as hitting one’s “funny bone.” This name is thought to be a pun, based on the sound resemblance between the words “humerus” and “humorous“.

I started to freak out after about 10 minutes of absolutely no feeling in that part of my hand. Naturally, during those 10 minutes I had moved on from Wikipedia to WikiAnswers, where people with varying degrees of this injury were asking for advice (cheaper/faster than a copay and a doctor). Some were complaining of weeks of numbness, others of minutes or hours. The consensus was however, it always remained a sensitive spot afterwords.

Within the next few minutes feeling slowly crept back into my hand–some Aleve and an ice pack helped the general soreness, but I could still feel it, and keeping my elbow bent for any decent length of time became painful. It felt better the next day, and on rare occasions after that I would notice it was a little sore (normally after propping myself up on my desk with my elbow for a while).

Yesterday I actually hit my funny bone again. I was loading my bike on the back of my car and as I took a step backwards  my arm hit the end of the bar that is twisted up to prevent a bike from flying off the rack. I didn’t hit it nearly as hard as the closet door, but every bit of pain and numbness came back with a vengeance. I continued to strap the bike down, and by the time I was ready to drive I was beginning to get feeling back in my fingers. But it was majorly sore last night, and I’m supposed to play racquetball this evening.

Bullshit injuries like this piss me off way more than something like the ITB issues I suffered from after the 15k race last November. That was the result of overuse, and other sports related injuries I’ve suffered have come from pushing my body to its limits. But a closet door causing a lasting issue in my elbow? That’s just dumb, a pain in the ass, and one of many reasons I’m suffering from a case of the Monday’s today.

Bruce Lee could likely still kick my ass from the grave.

I’m not sure I need either of them however, seeing as I managed to kick my own ass over the weekend in just about every sense of the word. I got a great workout in the Sportszone class at Urban Active in Bellevue and I followed that up with a raucus of a concert at Mad Hatter. Not having enough fun, I managed to go home and get in a battle with my computer, in which it got TKO’d.

So really the video below is just a metaphor for my weekend, where I’m feeble and bloodied by the end. And without a laptop.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLO1YIWQuXE

Yeah, it was a nice try.

See, the thought in my head was to use all this stair climbing as a way to gain strength and recover from a rather annoying knee injury. Instead, a minimum 400-600 stairs a day was never allowing any rest for my knees, and it was aggravating the issue (I know there are people in NY [not that people in NY read this site] that are laughing at me because they live in an 8th story walk up…whatever, blow me). So I made it a month, and for the last 15 days I have used the elevator as I normally would.

And I’ll be damned if my knee doesn’t already feel better.

Will I give it another shot? Probably not, but I may get back to taking the steps up to my office. I will certainly be taking advantage of the open stadium policy UC has at Nippert, and I plan on hiking Carew Tower and QCS at least once. But in between those episodes of stair madness, I will just be another dude on the elevator.

Still, that much of a failure (<—-notice the “ure” at the end, that is how this word is normally used, I know many of you have forgotten this basic principle) is giving me a case of the monday’s this morning.