The Rules of Drunk Dialing (as learned from a Urinal Ad)

1. Only drunk dial when you’re drunk. Everything else is a false advertisement.

2. It’s okay to call someone 27 times in one night if you don’t remember it. Then it didn’t happen.

3. If you’re going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. Example: “Mom, I’m in McDonalds and they’re playing our song. I love you.”

4. Dirty talk while drunk dialing is always preferred. Who doesn’t want to hear a raspy, phone sex voice at 3am asking to get bent over?

5. Voicemails are always better. This way your friends can let their friends have fun at your expense for a few days, or even weeks to come.

6. Drunk texting is OK, but only if you’re prepared to read what you wrote the next day when you sober up.

7. It is definitely a good idea to call all of your exes and remind them that you were the best lover they ever had, and everything they know they learned from you. This way you can all sleep well at night.

Have some more? Leave them in the comments, I’m always looking to take my drunk dial game to the next level.

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