Elevatorless Challenges: Laundry, Groceries, Getting Drunk w/ Pizza

Last Friday I embarked on a journey to rid my life of the use of elevators for ascension for the next year (I still take them down when I don’t feel like running down the steps). It seemed so easy at the time, it was just walking up the stairs right? Well, I forgot that I don’t always come upstairs empty handed.

Groceries

Luckily I only have to shop for one, otherwise I would probably have given in already. I came back from Findlay Market Saturday morning and instinctively went for the elevator call button on the first floor. I had bags in both hands as I stood patiently in the lobby. When the elevator arrived a young couple exited the cab, and the guy provided the obligatory hand-across-the-door move to let me inside without the door crushing me or my edibles. I literally walked in and said “Shit” and angrily stepped right back out. The well-meaning couple looked understandably perplexed, and I briefly explained my resolution as I turned to the stairwell. The guy laughed and wished me luck.

While I wasn’t too laden down with groceries this trip, I made a mental note that I should refrain from my usual once a month trip to Kroger, and perhaps break that up into two trips a month. You see, I do most of my shopping at Findlay, but I still need Kroger for my non-perishables. I normally end with 6-10 bags of not-so-light purchases. I’m not sure what would be worse, making two trips to Kroger a month, making two trips to my car back to back to carry all my groceries up, or trying to carry it all at once. I see the third option ending up in me spilling stuff down the stairwell and getting more pissed than had I just taken two trips. We’ll see how this plays out over the next few weeks….

Laundry

My apartment building is great, but most of the units don’t have washers and dryers in them. There are three sets on the floor below me, and three more two floors below that. I usually walk to the 5th floor laundry, but if I have to go to the 3rd floor you better believe I take the elevator down and back up. Most of the time it’s not an issue because the 5th floor machines are open.

Of course, for my first attempt at laundry sans elevator all three 5th floor washers AND dryers were in use–meaning it was going to be a while before I was going to get anything done there. So I trudged down two more flights–and what do you know, those were all taken also! So I dragged everything back upstairs in the hopes that later in the evening my 5th floor laundry haven would open up. Sure enough it did….at 10 pm. This has taught me two things 1) never do laundry on a weekend in an apartment building and 2) I need to stick with being a night owl when it comes to chores.

Getting Drunk and Bringing Home Pizza

Saturday night, like most weekend nights for a 20-something, brought an evening of alcoholic libations, lightening my mood to the point where I thought buying a whole Lucy Blue pizza was a good idea (side note: never a good idea. Via Vite all the way). Now, the problem here doesn’t lie in my ability to carry a pizza box upstairs. No, the problem is that like most late night pizza sessions, they begin on the journey home, not upon arrival. This is where the elevator facilitates things. It’s easy to walk up, push a button, and ride in the cab, all while stuffing your face with cheese and pepperoni on a grease-laden crust. It’s much harder however, to complete pizza inhalation while carrying the box and still managing to place one foot in front of the other onto seemingly endless elevated platforms. At some point you become to concerned with the pizza to lift your feet completely, and you begin tripping up the steps rather than walking them.

Another facet of all this is that I’m not out drinking by myself. For example, when I got home saturday, my buddy (who was the pizza carrier at the time) went straight for the elevator. I laughed and told him I would meet him at the top (I had warned him of my mission earlier in the evening). Begrudgingly he said he would join me on the hike up. I smiled and grabbed the pizza box, it was the least I could do (and naturally I was ready for another piece). Over the coming year it will be interesting to see which of my friends follow me up the steps vs. taking the lazy route.

All in all, if these are the hardest struggles I go through all year, I think I’ve got this in the bag. But the first weekend was a definite crash course in the ways of the 6 story walk-up.